October 10, 2002

quarantine

so just so we're clear, 'quarantine' means that i won't be answering questions for a bit until i get this page to run in the way i want it to. please, continue to ask questions (while refraining from asking those that you already know the answer to).

also, if you guys want an avatar, just email me a pic of whatever it is you want to represent you. i reserve the right to ask you for a different one if i already have plans for the avatar in question. alrighty then.

now reading: The Female Man (Beacon Paperback, 721)- Joanna Russ

thecomicman spoke @ 12:56 PM |

Why is it that if I call pop "soda" in the mid-west, people will know what I'm talking about, but if I refer to soda as "pop" in New York, conversation stops and no one knows what I'm talking about and they make fun of me for 10 minutes or more?

because all midwesterners are weird and most New Yorkers are self-absorbed.

and might i add, 'pop' is a ridiculous name for a beverage.

: bones pop when i chew 'em.

alright, that's it. we're going into quarantine until we get this mess sorted out. expect a bunch of new personas to come and whomp on your hideous green ass.

: just 'cause i'm green doesn't mean i don't have feelings.... meanie.

okay, i'm sorry.

: gotcha!

now reading: Edgar Huntly, Or, Memoirs of a Sleep-Walker (Penguin Classics)- Charles Brockden Brown, Norman S. Grabo

thecomicman spoke @ 12:37 PM |

Why is it that stoners across the U.S. refer to smoking pot as "smoking up" while in Michigan, it is always referred to as "smoking down"? I should also like to point out in my own defense that marijuana is technically a downer. posted by Erinesque

people in Michigan are weird.

: and tasty.

does anybody know the number of a good exterminator?

now reading: Book of Tea- Kakuzo Okakura

thecomicman spoke @ 12:30 PM |

I am catching a cold. What is the cure? posted by Kari

i think i'll let a world renowned doctor answer this one.

: well, the only real medication for anything is my all purpose 'Hide Formula.' it is so named because it finds where your sickness is 'hiding' and kills it. i shall now demonstrate.

: hurm... i think it's time to eat people. yes, it in fact is that time now.

....crap in a hat. Boomer?

: i think i'm going to need a bigger gun, Sir.

now reading: In Praise of Shadows- Junichiro Tanizaki, Charles Moore, Edward G. Seidensticker, Thomas J. Harper

thecomicman spoke @ 12:25 PM |

What should I do in my first-ever adult(not in the terms of adult-content, but in terms of students over the age of 15) English class tonight? posted by Kari

talk about the strange effects that shoujo, Japanese girls' manga, has on American males in their early twenties to their early thirties.

now reading: Naomi: A Novel- Junichiro Tanizaki

thecomicman spoke @ 12:06 PM |

October 09, 2002

Why do all of the Japanese get naked together at the onsen without feeling a bit shy, but at the swimming pool locker room everyone hides behinds curtains or brings a specially designed towel to hide their bodies? posted by Kari

because public pools are scary-ass places that tense everyone up, therefore making everyone super aware of their own bodies, whereas 'onsen,' or natural hot springs, are nice and relaxing and melt your inhibitions away.

much like a good bottle of Vodka.

now reading: The Left Hand of Darkness- Ursula K. Le Guin

thecomicman spoke @ 10:32 PM |

What can I do to keep my girlfriend from being totally nuts? (see my blog for details) posted by Kerry

i'm sorry, sir, but we do not allow cheap plugs to one's own website here at 'thecomicman can.'

now reading: And Then: Natsume Soseki's Novel Sorekara (Michigan Classics in Japanese Studies, No. 17)- Norma Moore Field

thecomicman spoke @ 10:28 PM |

Who is Bando Tsumasaburo? Was he a samurai actor or a kabuki actor or both? posted by Kerry

Bandou Tamasaburou is a famous kabuki actor who plays the parts of women. he has a beautiful countenance, so is well suited for those roles. he also directed in a 1992 movie called "Gekashitsu" (50min-Japan) about a love affair between a wealthy countess and a doctor.

now reading: Dune (Dune Chronicles, Book 1)- Frank Herbert

thecomicman spoke @ 10:27 PM |

What is the origin of the phrase 'Beat down'? Is it related to 'beat up'? posted by Kerry

they are, in fact, related. the African-American population wanted a way to let a white man know they were going to kick his ass without using the white man's words aka 'beat up.' so, with an ingenious switiching of antonyms, they used 'beat down' instead. unfortunately, the white man decided that saying 'beat down' was much, much cooler than saying 'beat up, and subsequently stole the phrase from the African-American population.

stupid white man.

now reading: Schismatrix Plus- Bruce Sterling

thecomicman spoke @ 10:16 PM |

Do banana kit-kats exist in America? They do here, and they rock. posted by Kerry

no, they do not. but you knew that, since you lived here most your life and all.

now reading: The Stars My Destination- Alfred Bester

thecomicman spoke @ 10:13 PM |

Question: On a scale of 1-10, how flaky am I? posted by Maggie

er.... Boomer?

: Tango down, Sir.

thank you, Boomer.

now reading: The Consequences of Modernity- Anthony Giddens

thecomicman spoke @ 10:08 PM |

i know... i know.

i know Boomer is way too big.

this is a work in progress people.

oh, and try not to view this on Netscape. it's scary.

now reading: Musui's Story: The Autobiography of a Tokugawa Samurai- Katsu Kokichi, Teruko Craig

thecomicman spoke @ 12:13 AM |

How long did each of these last and what works of art, literature, and culture did they produce.

a. The City State of Athens (a democracy)
b. The Republic of Rome (a republic) posted by AK on Sam's blog.

i think i'll let Boomer, the insubordinate bastard from SOCOM U.S. Navy Seals, answer that one. take it away, Boomer!

: Tango at twelve o'clock, Sir.

uhhh... no that's just AK, Boomer.

: Tango's moving, Sir.

hold your fire! ABLE, HOLD YOUR FIRE!

: Tango down, Sir.

oh for fuck's sake... every goddamn time...

now reading: Japan's first modern novel: Ukigumo of Futabatei Shimei (Studies of the East Asian Institute)- Marleigh Grayer Ryan

thecomicman spoke @ 12:07 AM |

October 08, 2002

Cool! You could be like conversatron.com, only better, 'cause we actually know you! Do it, do it do it. posted by Maggie

well, actually i modeled it after truemeaningoflife.com, which is apparently a copy of Conversatron.com and Forum2000.com, but whatever.

also, i'd like to thank Erinesque for showing me this site and therefore wasting five hours of my life yesterday as i plodded through the archives.

i'm not even halfway through yet.

now reading: Hokkaido Popsicle- Isaac Adamson

thecomicman spoke @ 01:10 PM |

Is [Halifax] really thinking of coming to Japan, or are these just wild rumors? posted by Kari

yes, Halifax is thinking about going to Japan next year. right now, i believe he is 50/50 on the situation. it really all depends on if can sublet his half the apartment to someone while he is away, and how much crap the oh-so-moral Rick can insert into his head.

thecomicman spoke @ 01:04 PM |

Why have crepe cakes and umeboshi onigiri stopped appearing in all of the convenience stores? posted by Kari

for an answer, i'll give you a snippet of dialogue between me and a customer at the store:

customer: so where are all Spawn figures?
me: we're sold out.
customer: can you get any more?
me: well, we've put in the order, so it's not up to us anymore. it's up to the distributor.
customer: how come Toys 'R' Us still has 'em?
me: because they are a much larger store, so they had a much larger initial order.
customer: that sucks, i really wanted those Spawn figures.
me (mumbling): then go to Toys 'R' Us, moron.
customer: i'm sorry, what?
me: nothing.

now reading: JLA Vol. 1: New World Order- Grant Morrison

thecomicman spoke @ 01:01 PM |

Finally, what are the most sucessful techniques for seducing Japanese middle school students without being caught by one's girlfriend? posted by Kerry

there are no succesful techniques. your girlfriend will find out.

may i instead suggest that you stay monogamous?

thecomicman spoke @ 12:56 PM |

In addition, what is the value of G, as used in physics? posted by Kerry

if you meant the accelaration due to gravity (which is a lower-case g), it's g = -9.8 m/(s squared). if you actually meant the gravitational constant (which is upper-case G), then it's G = 6.673*(10 to the -11 power) N(m squared)(kg to the -2 power).

for more handy-dandy Physics Equations and Constants, go to this page.

thecomicman spoke @ 12:53 PM |

Also, why do you want to know random Japanese? posted by Kerry

i am writing a novel that features a girl who can only speak Japanese. my white-as-snow character can only understand two or three words coming from her mouth, which is why whenever she speaks, it'll be something along the lines of "...and then she said something in Japanese."

thecomicman spoke @ 12:30 PM |

Can you recommend good molecular biology grad programs? I mainly want someplace that is doing research that I can hijack and use to become a superhero/villian. posted by Kerry

according to usnews.com, these are the best molecular biology grad schools.

1. Harvard University (MA)
2. Stanford University (CA)
3. Massachusetts Institute of Technology
4. University of California–Berkeley
5. Johns Hopkins University (MD)

as for your wanting to be a superhero/villian, i might direct you to study '60s Marvel comics to know that you need atomic physics, and not molecular biology.

thecomicman spoke @ 12:28 PM |

October 07, 2002

i... am... an English major! part the second

from Roger Zelazny's 'A Rose for Ecclesiastes':

"Hello."
"I have come," she said, "to hear the poem."
"What poem?"
"Yours."
"Oh."
I yawned, sat up, and did things people usually do when awakened in the middle of the night to read poetry.
"That is very kind of you, but isn't the hour a trifle akward?"
"I don't mind," she said.
Someday I am going to write an article for the Journal of Semantics, called "Tone of Voice: An Insufficient Vehicle for Irony."

i say to this: bwahahahahaha!

thecomicman spoke @ 06:42 PM |

what is it you want from me!?

all right, listen up.

there are currently five things that happen in my life on a regular basis: i go to school, i go to work, i read comics, i play video games, and i love Sammie. this is all i can post about.

so...

when i post, you all accuse me of being monotopical, and then when i don't post for fear of being monotopical, you scream at me to post some more.

what is it you people want?

instead of letting you answer that question just so you can contradict yourselves again, i have devised a strategy that will make sure i post often (or as often as my busy schedule will allow) and it won't be monotopical unless you make it so.

you will ask me questions about anything and everything and i will answer them to the best of ability while being funny and witty. and who knows, a guest star might pop up once in a while to answer your questions.

every now and again, i'll actually post about something cool and/or exciting that happens to me, but since these events don't happen often enough to accomodate the masses, i'll be relying on you guys to supply me with stuff to post about.

this is how it will work: just put a question in a comment box. any comment box will do. i will periodically (every month or so) put up a reminder for you to ask stuff, but i will not be on your ass about it. after all, it's for your own benefit. it's like my mom having to remind me to watch cartoons.

sooner or later, i'll get my webcomic up, and that 'll be another source for entertainment. until then, ask away.

thecomicman spoke @ 06:34 PM |

October 03, 2002

i... am... an English major!

this is mostly for Halifax, but maybe the rest of you will enjoy it as well.

this is the funniest opening of a poem i've ever read. it comes from Joel Barlow's "Hasty Pudding:"

Ye Alps audacious, through the heavens that rise,
To cramp the day and hide me from the skies;
Ye Gallic flags, that o'er their heights unfurled,
Bear death to kings, and freedom to the world,
I sing not you (lines 1-5).

i'll leave you to figure out why it's so funny.

thecomicman spoke @ 12:17 PM |

New Mexico City

walking out of my Programming class, i noticed lots of police officers hanging outside that Hebrew Studies building. not strange in and of itself, this kinda thing happens on occasion, like when, say, somebody lobs airplanes at tall buildings. the strange thing was that most, if not all, of these seemingly everyday police officers were carrying HDKs (those are submachine guns for the uninitiated). now, i know that police stations do have an armory, and that these armories do have military ordnance, especially in a city where the psycho-to-normal person ratio is 1-2 (2-1 if its current and future psychos to normal person), but i was under the impression that this stuff was reserved for when an ass with an assault rifle is running around town, not when everything seems hunky-dory, except that a used car salesman is arguing with a traffic cop about where he can and cannot park his used cars.

i guess it freaked me out because it reminded me of Mexico where every (and i use this phrase loosely) officer of the law is outfitted with most urban assaut gear, including that dreaded assault rifle. and they're not afraid to use it.

the other thing that freaked me out was that lone cop who kept aiming his HDK at random people and making the 'pow' sound. i assume he was a rookie.

now reading: JLA Vol. 3: Rock of Ages- Grant Morrison, John Dell, Howard Porter

thecomicman spoke @ 11:50 AM |